Dealing with grief- update 

Most of you may know that a few months ago I lost my dad. Losing him was, well is the hardest loss I've faced. Although it's been 5 months, time isn't helping me I feel like I'm getting worse with grieving his death. I don't feel like I'm depressed more that I get very anxious, I cant look at pictures of him without getting emotional, hearing someone talk about what happened to him I have leave the room because I just don't want to hear it. I'm not sure how to go forward and accept this, I feel like if i do then i'd have to let him go, and I can't do that- I don't want to let go of him and just move on with my life I would feel guilty in a way because while I continue to live mine, his was cut short. I attended a bereavement group and it was very hard for me open up and talk about my dad, not trying to sound prideful but I didn't want to cry in front of a bunch people pouring out my feelings. But I did to some extent and many of them told me afterwards that I was brave for talking about it and how losing a parent a young age is never easy.  It's a completely different feeling compared to losing a grandparent or another relative. My dad is suppose to be here and see his granddaughter grow up, he's suppose to answer his phone,  go to breakfast at our favorite diner together. Having to get older and experience life without him in it, it's not fair I mean he should be here. I've had dreams about him and I'm happy that I do but then again I don't like it because the dreams feel so real and vivid that in the dreams I believe he's still here, but once i wake up I realize he's really gone. Sometimes it feels like a slap in the face. I miss him every single day, I wish somehow some way that I could have changed what happened and make it so he would be here. To think that a year ago I told him I was pregnant and remembering how excited he was to have a grandchild, remembering how every week we'd have breakfast before I'd drop him off at the ferry . It's hard looking at the train station and not seeing him come off the 6pm train, as much as I wish he would; I still can't wrap my head around this. Im not sure if I ever will but I know that he's free of pain and his spirit will live on, it just sucks.  I say to myself if 9/11 didn't happen he'd be here, he would, everything that happened to him wouldn't have happened. I blame that day on why my dad isn't here why he was taken from me. Unfortunately I can't turn back time or make wishes for things to be different. Each day is a progress more or less,  there's days where I'm ok and there's days where I'm not. Maybe one day I'll be able to accept and move forward but I don't know if that'll happen right now, or any time soon. I apologize if this post is all over the place, this has been on my mind heavily and until I attend more sessions, writing my feelings out helped a bit. I'll always miss him.

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52 thoughts on “Dealing with grief- update 

  1. So sorry for your lost. You are brave for sharing this. I hope what they say is true and time does heal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It wasn’t easy writing this, I hard a hard time but hopefully one day I’ll be ok.

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  2. Writing this took courage. It’s not easy losing your father at a young age. You will always have a empty space in your heart but it will get easier. Cherish your memories!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope one day it does, it’s hard going on without him . Thank you 💛it was hard writing this

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  3. I’m so sorry. Losing a parent is so hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you , it is, and being young losing now is hard to accept

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  4. I’m sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my grandfather several years ago now, but it still feels like yesterday. You a re very brave for posting about your thoughts on death and loss and please know that you stepping forward and talking about your feelings will greatly help someone cope who is in the same boat. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate this 💛💛 thank you

      Like

  6. WithTheHuddlestons July 30, 2017 — 7:13 pm

    Sorry for your loss. Your transparency will definitely touch lives. There will come a day when good memories will override the thought of not having him here. That may seem further away than you think…. but jist take it one day at a time. XO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you , I’m trying . Some days are harder then others . 💛

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I had a huge lost in my life and I made it through by writing, I do applause you for writing this and making a post about it. I got so emotional reading this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It helps , I attended a bereavement group session also, it was hard to talk about it there. I had to stop writing every so often with this post because I kept getting emotional. Thank you 💛

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  9. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for opening up and sharing the beautiful memories you shared.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. dannyjeromespeaks July 31, 2017 — 1:33 pm

    To have experienced loss is hard but a part of him lives in you and your child. Thank God for happy memories!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It does, many people say they see my dad in my daughter. Thank you💛

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  11. I am terribly sorry for your loss and felt your pain as I was reading this. When dealing with the loss of a loved one, there are good days and bad days, there are even angry days. This is natural, because death – although it happens everyday – is unnatural. I can tell that you and Dad were close. Please ask yourself, what would he want you to do in his absence? How would he want you to represent him, his love, his principles, his guidance? Without being “preachy”, I would be remiss if I didn’t share with you that the Bible says there will be a resurrection – not now – but in the future (Rev 21:3,4). When that happens – and it will – imagine you and your Dad talking about everything hat happened while he was away over a nice, warm breakfast. Stay strong princess. https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20140101/is-death-the-end/#?insight%5Bsearch_id%5D=8d69b998-015f-4c51-8e89-f9f75f8b721e&insight%5Bsearch_result_index%5D=5

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. More power to you dear.
    But you know what?
    You are so brave and bold, that you are able to express yourself so well. We can’t take your place, nobody can, but we can empathise with you to help you move on.
    Had you not been able to even express yourself, a part of you would have been lost.
    You are doing a good job, by trying hard everyday! Kudos to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I greatly appreciate it💛 I feel like I’m stuck sometimes because it’s overwhelming and I don’t talk about it but writing helped some.

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  13. So sorry for your loss. I cant even begin to imagine the pain you are in. You are so incredibly brace and strong for being able to write this.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. So brave of you to share. You have a great community here to support you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This means a lot to me, thank you 💛

      Like

  15. So sorry for your loss!
    I m fortunate to have both of my parents alive ( too bad they live overseas) and I know the day they are gone I am gonna miss them A LOT and I will even feel guilty for moving abroad and not spending their last yrs with them 😦
    They come to visit me and I visit my home country every couple yrs but I wish I had them close.
    I wanna believe time will heal your wounds, it is very hard and you will never forget him and have days when you miss him more but you will be ok with time, you need time to heal!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Losing a parent is very tough, I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through. But the memories that you shared with him will last a lifetime!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They will, thinking about the memories do make me happy but at the same time sad because I can’t make more with him

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  17. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Sorry to hear about your dad. Please, stay strong! May your suffering be alleviated soon. Ameen

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I’m sorry for your loss! Losing a loved one is one of my biggest fears living so far away from family. What if I don’t get to say goodbye! It must have been hard writing this! I’m sure the pain never goes away but you learn to live with it! Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At the time I was living in another state , i saw him before he died but it was unexpected. It was hard to write without getting emotional . I honestly didn’t look this post much afterwards because of that . Thank you 💛

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  20. I am truly so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. My heart goes out to you. I sometimes think of life without my parents. I know it is going to hurt so hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s hard to deal with, you know it’ll happen one day but losing them when you’re young it’s hard to think about the rest of your life without them in it. Thank you

      Like

  22. I’m really sorry for your loss, I really honestly feel that less is more when it comes to comforting a briefing person. I can only say take heart and well done on your strength to write this post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate it, thank you 💛

      Like

  23. Grief is definitely a tough thing to deal with. Stay mentally strong!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Thank you for sharing this. You will be an inspiration to many

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I have had a big loss in my life and they really does give me the courage to move on and live my life. I commend you for being so open.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry for your loss, thank you 💛

      Like

  26. Much love to you. Losing our loved ones is so hard. My prayers are with you

    Liked by 1 person

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